I hate it when I can’t tell people what’s going on in my life and what I’m feeling because it’s too weird to explain.
So, it turns out all this weird crap involving overly complicated crushes and emo kids just needed a similarly weird and overly complicated ending:
Step 1: Do a magic ritual to sacrifice emotions and lust for emo kid to the gods and release it all back into atmosphere. One should feel a complete void of emotion at even the slightest mention of emo kid.
Step 2: Quickly develop new crush on cute metal dude who does covers of cartoon, movie, and video game theme songs to make sure previous crush essentially stays dead.
Step 3: Enjoy the feeling of just not caring for a bit, and try to ignore the nagging question of how this all got to be so weird and complicated in the first place.
The butterfly’s sound Wards off love spells from your eyes Something you should know
So, a few weeks ago I was at karate. This was my second time at training since having come back after my internship, and there were some new people. New people are usually a good thing at the dojo, so no complaints about that. Everything was going normally, except during sparring when this emo kid who smelled like the bowels of Abercrombie & Fitch introduced himself to me. This actually hasn’t ever happened to me the whole time I’ve been at the dojo, probably because I can be a bit of an asshole, but I chalked it up to just him being friendly (and possibly not knowing that no amount of friendliness could save his ass from my lack of control over myself). Sensei separated us, so I didn’t actually destroy him then and there. But later during training, this same emo kid got behind me during kata and screwed up my timing with his general inability to move faster. I was so close to kicking him in the base of the spine that my foot touched his gi, and I probably would have actually kicked him if I hadn’t seen him moving into my target area and essentially screwed my kick up so I didn’t end up physically injuring him. This whole screwing up my kata thing actually made me pretty pissed, so I spent the remainder of the night ranting at Winston about this fool.
So fast forward to today. This emo kid has really only been at training twice since I got back, yet I’ve been having this feeling that I can really only describe as having him hovering over my head. I actually secretly hope he doesn’t come to the dojo, even though that would actually be bad for the dojo, and have a slight dread at the thought of seeing him at training. I suspect that this is because of the fact that I keep dreaming about him. I don’t really recall how many time this has happened now, but I know it has happened more than once. And he always seems to end up some weird character. One time he was some kind of yeti creature, and this last time he was a hobo living in a hotel bathroom. I also remember him trying to kiss me in this most recent one.
I have no real idea why I keep dreaming about this emo kid, so naturally I’m gonna go with my old fallback and ask, is this some kind of magical-Wicca asshattery?
When someone says or does something that truly irks me, I tend to come up with several theories about this person and why he or she feels a need to do this. Take for example a person who feels a need to turn everything into a competition, even going into debates to prove how much better he or she is than someone else. I would speculate that this person is insecure about something. He or she perhaps needs these competitions for reassurance that he or she isn’t inferior to others. But he or she may still have doubts despite this, and may even feel a sort of jealousy towards other people.
According to Ockham’s Razor, the simplest theory is the best. Coincidentally, these speculations can all be combined and condensed into one simple word that would explain everything. Therefore, according to Ockham’s Razor, the best explanation for this person’s increasingly irksome behavior is this: micropenis.
I dreamt that me and my friends from high school and some of their friends broke into a large, elaborate, maze-like building to destroy the evil super powered androids that control the Republican party’s consciousness with their own technology. We had to impersonate the Republican candidates to get in, which only got us through the door. After that we had to rely on ninja skills and magic to succeed. We stole some really amazing weaponized boots that could somehow armor your whole body, and I managed to get my hands on a super-special tablet that could produce extremely convincing holograms, shoot lasers, change its physical size, and essentially kill the bad guys. I remember not being able to operate it manually, but thinking they probably shouldn’t have installed SIRI on it because that’s how I got it to work. We completed our mission and escaped through a costume party they were holding outside before everything exploded.
Afterward, we headed over to a restaurant that was a major conservative-side hangout of some kind dressed as Victorian era rich people with top hats. We sat down and ordered food, and I asked the waiter for some silverware. He came back with some and then started asking some intrusive questions about whether or not I was single and if my significant other was going to be with me that night. He then put on a British accent and said something about me having a roll around and having some fun that night. I asked him what the help that was supposed to mean and he said it was a British expression that meant to spend some time somewhere for awhile or even put an object somewhere for awhile. Then someone from our table asked him to have our food roll around in the microwave for a bit because it was cold, to which the waiter responded with, “What?” My dream ended there…
Yeah. I never have normal dreams…